i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
