First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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