their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
