It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
