also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
