what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
