He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
