cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize