i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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