Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
