More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
