dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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