I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
