Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
