I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
