These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
