All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
