Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I want to have your abortion
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
being pregnant is like rehab
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
