yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
