I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
