he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
