I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
