My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
