so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've blown a few things in my day
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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