I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
