I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
