you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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