If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
