If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize