zippers are such a cool invention
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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