Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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