You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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