Your face is a jimmy john
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize