Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When did angry sex become our thing?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
