Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
