That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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