he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
