You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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