NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
