Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
