Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
