I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
