I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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