are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
