My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Randomize
