i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
