i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
