Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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