So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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