you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Holy sore nipples Batman
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
