from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
