I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
