Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just had sex on a roof
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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