In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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