I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
