im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
