she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
