I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
