tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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