I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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