I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
