UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
