I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's like iHOP with fire
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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