Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize