if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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