I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
