I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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