shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
