You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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