dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
