I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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