all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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