I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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