Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
