Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
