if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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