3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
