He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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