Dual....:-)
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
