I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
