im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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