We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
