WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize