It's like God shit irony all over that family
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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