Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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