that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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