I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
