I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
