If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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