Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
