shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
