i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
