i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
