i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
