i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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