Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
